Hi my name is Rhonda and I am a listacholic

The last few days I am fighting this on again off again anxiety. I blame it on the fact I have been busy forming lists and scratching things off my list. Which I love to do...its just the lists have been very long.

Last night when I was looking for my reading glasses( to work on my list) it was like the Lord entered my thoughts and said, " you need to correct your vision." I have been so focused my checklists of things to do and not taking time to be in the word. So I got my Bible,( and glasses..of course) sat and read. Very comforting to me.

But this morning I had this anxiety that was growing quickly and I felt shaky. I honestly had this feeling of oppression. I started to pray and the scripture about God not giving us a spirit of fear...came to mind. The anxiety left. I decided to put my Bible in my purse and take it to work with me.


Well, later at work, I was sitting beside this man's hospital bed, holding his hand allowing him to cry for awhileI(he is 50 needs hospice and has 4 children at home ages 12-24) when Lauryn paged me. My family never pages me. I knew it was emergent, because that is the rule if I don't answer my cell and it is urgent page me. But I decided not to respond. I couldn't walk out on this man and his wife. I knew John had to be available or grandparents, "please Lord."

When I got to a phone I learned Lauryn got to work at the dance studio but on the way warning lights came on the dashboard of her car. She parked, turned the car off relieved, but worried she wouldn't get back home. She tried to start the car and it wouldn't. I didn't respond, she called John, he was able to handle the situation with her. But when I hung up the fact that I was nervous this morning and not knowing why, and then something happened deeply troubled me. I was totally consumed by fear this time. I knew I needed prayer, started crying at my desk... I tried to call friends no one answered. I cried to God and then I tried an old friend that I just saw in church on Sunday.

We were once prayer partners. Altho, she never answers her phone. Still I love you MP. Guess what? She answered. I poured out my guts and her first words in that calm southern accent was, "Rhonda, God did not give us a spirit of fear, but of power, love and sound and strong mind." The same verse God brought to my mind this morning. I feel like the bondage is broken. I am relaxed and calm at least for now! I know all the things that have happened are material things. I know this trip is God ordained. Part of what I read last night is "...no one can say "Jesus is Lord," except by the Holy Spirit." There is no evil that can hold any power over us.

John meet me for lunch and we just talked about all the good things in our lives and kinda claimed that from here on out for the trip to Nairobi and Lauryn's trip to the D.R. it is all going to be good. I realized that after nearly 21 years of being together it is harder to be separated. At least for me. I know it is only 2 weeks but still John is such a safety net for me.

My office is quiet, I have space to myself this afternoon(another miracle) and was able to get that Bible out to read awhile. My vision is corrected at least for now.

I am grateful for my Saviour and grateful for His work through friends and prayer warriors in my life!

Also, why is it so much harder to see men cry? Do you feel that way? I need prayer for not only peace, but for my heart. You see God sent me this verse today to remind me we need all 3...power, love and strong mind. With one of these missing we are out of balance and possibly out of His peace which passes all understanding.

with all my heart,
Rhonda

PS. In my daytimer I already have a list
written for the week I am back from Nairobi. Help me to remember to keep
Jesus on the top of those lists and then
my list will be complete!

Comments

bill & lura said…
Oh, dear Rhonda,
As I just have been able to get on this site and am reading about all that has been going on in your life. I hurt and cry for you, and yet I know in my heart that the more you try to do good things for God, the more things happen. I used to think about the song, "Thou Wilt Keep Him in Perfect Peace, Whose Mind is Stayed on Thee."---I always had faith, so why weren't things going peaceful in my life and those of my family.
I have come to think of myself as a flag on a pole. These temporary things get me nervous and crying, like a wind that is waving me this way and that, but they do not get me totally down, because I
am solid as a rock in my faith, that the pole, my God, is holding me. You are really being faced with an awesome adventure at the same time, facing having one of your own in a completely different place...my, my, what a challenge. You have our prayers with you all the way.
Blessings on thee. Lura
July 2, 2009 at 8:11 PM
Rhonda said…
Love the thought of the flag and flag pole. That will stay with me as a great reminder.

love ya....R
July 3, 2009 at 6:34 AM
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