Courageous Life

Today I went to see grandma ... and I brought her some meat ... she grabbed it and hugged it and hid it under her pillow ... I couldn't get it back from her to give it to Shikoh to cook ... hopefully they managed later. Grandma was soaked through to the skin ... she was laying in her bed with soaking wet clothes ... and nothing dry to put on. We're going to take her some clothes hopefully tomorrow. We get the chest xray's back tomorrow too - so I'm believing she'll be accepted into the old age home and we can get her out of there. She was very happy, and Mary said she's been laughing ever since her car ride to the hospital. She hasn't ever been in a car so it made her very happy! She was smiling a lot ... although not in this picture! It was pouring rain most of the day today - so it was a slippery day in the slums. Baby Kevin was soaked to the skin too, but fortunately I had brought dry clean clothes and we got them on him right away. Here is is stan

There is a song playing frequently now by Lifehouse called, "Broken". Each time I hear it I find myself turning it up and in tears. The words are something like this, " I'm falling apart. I'm barely breathing. With a broken heart that's still beating." It is more specifically about someone who looses a loved one in a car crash. But it resonates with how I have often felt in these past few months since my trip to Nairobi. My experiences have left my heart inside out and I am having to work hard at how to handle my tears, my distraction, the pain that little feels crushing on my chest. Selfishly, I have wondered: *when will the tears stop? *if only tears equalled fat cells I would have lost weight by now *Why me? Why am I feeling this so deeply? *Aren't I compassionate enough? I am a cancer nurse for heavens sake. *I really don't want this pain. Don't have time for it. But with the same angst I so desperately don't want to forget what I saw

Today is my 10th day home. I have never counted the days I am home after a trip before. Why am I doing that? Maybe it's because I keep thinking tomorrow will be enough days home that I will feel "normal" again. So far, in the realm of "normal" tomorrow hasn't come. Having friends in Kenya for several years now I felt as though my heart was there with them. But after spending 14 days there a bigger piece of my heart was definitely left behind. The word reconcile keeps coming up in my head and in my conversation. How do I reconcile what I have just experienced with my everyday life here? "Here" in what now seems somewhat foreign yet at the sametime is my home. "Here" where if I am honest I just want to pick up what I normally do day to day and not really think about those precious faces of woman sewing with Jacaranda Ministry or of Janetta, "my" hospice lady or "my" sweet slum family, (Virgina, Shiko, Mary, Penny,

This is our last day here in Nairobi.  Actually we head for the airport at 6pm tonight.  I am ready to be home.  I miss my family, friends, my own home, my dogs, you know the usual.   BUT yesterday I said good-bye to some of the Jacaranda sewing ladies and realized how special it has been to meet these ladies, walk were they work, hear their stories and just hug them.  They are beautiful and their lives have blessed me.  They are excited about the work they are doing and I pray many blessings upon their hands! Brenda and I also went back to Marurui Slum.  I needed to see family one more time and Brenda was missing them as well.   My breath was taken away when we entered their home.  It was clean, brighter, they had hung pretty materials over the cardboard walls, and over their furniture.  Mom looked bright and in her right mind. She hugged us and smelled of soap and powder.  Baby Kevin was sleeping peacefully on the bed.  There really are no words to express the changes Christ has made

Today is the one year anniversary of the death of a sweet lady and friend Melissa Schuler. I am blessed to have had the privilege to honor her on this day by visiting a hospice houses in Nairobi. How incredibly ironic? Teddy, I am thinking of you today! You are an amazing friend and Melissa loved you greatly! I will always remember being with you at Melissa's side. I pray your day has been filled with peace and amazing memories. The hospice was so not what I was expecting or prepared for. My heart is so sad tonight. I don't want to write too much and make everyone reading this sad too. But I have had several requests to hear about this experience that I feel the need to share a bit now. I am sure in weeks to come I will be able to process and share better. This hospice is affiliated with the Kenyatta Hospital. It opened in the early 1990's. Sounds great...here we are 2009, but no. Before I complain too much let me just say I don't mean it personally I believe

If you ever have the chance to go on Safari you should. Don't talk yourself out of it because of money or time. If you know you are going to a place like Africa start saving you pennies now. Monday we left for two days in the Masai Mara. That is where the Masai Tribe lives...or at least a lot of them. The are the really tall, dark African's that wear a lot of earrings and jewelry. They also wrap themselves in beautifully colored cloths, mostly reds. Red scares the lions. Yep... the Mara...were you can ride in a van or jeep, stand up with you head out of the roof looking for wild animals. The scenery is beautiful. For me, it was an awesome feeling being so close to nature. Even though it is extremely bumpy, (my left arm is bruised from bumping against the jeep) I found is exciting and relaxing. A chance to take in creation in its natural setting and a chance to not think about much of anything. Except were those lions going to succeed at killing those water buffalo?

I am starting to lose track of the days, but yes it is Sunday...Day 8 since we left. It has been difficult to write with the internet going in and out. Plus yesterday we just relaxed and I had my first hot shower. Water is a growing problem with no rain during this rainy season. I haven't even explained all about that. But it is affecting the Kean's home as well. People are hoarding and selling it to folks in the slum, who can't afford it. It just seems to go along with everything else with a corrupt government and lack of caring for its people. I do want to explain better the events of last Friday in the Marurui Slum. I was supposed to go out and meet Lillian with the Masaai, but the word of Mom Mary's salvation and sick babies quickly spread by the women who also attend New Song Nairobi church here, decided they wanted to go clean her home in the slum. So with Brenda's help financially buying cleaning supplies, bug killer and basket to wash and organize c

It was a good day! Learned Mom Mary gave her brew business to her daughter. HA...but no more...Sarah a Jacaranda sewing lady offered her the money they would make for it if she through it away. Daughter ran out crying and asking to accept Jesus! She did. The Brew was thrown away. The light is crowding out the darkness. Jacaranda sewing ladies cleaned Mom Mary and family's home today. The community of Christ serving one another in the slums.

We were at the Marurui Slum by 8:15 this morning to pick up MomMary (kinda making up her name by the way. It's complicated. She lives with her Mom, "Grandma", her 23 year old daughter, her 4 year old granddaughter, her pregnant 19 year old, ,another daughter ...age ???, Breatrice and baby Kevin) . We were there to take Kevin for his immunizations. They were not ready to go when we got there, but they were trying and Mary (the 19 yo) was ready and going along. Her english is better. She is beautiful and 8 months pregnant. The good news is both children looked better. Beatrice was cleaner and no fever that I could tell. Still horrible cough and look of fatigue. Kevin was much brighter and more awake. Brenda and I both felt encouraged. Mom was actually trying to feed him something like oatmeal from a cup. He was struggling with it, there was no spoon involved. They had given all the medicines correctly best we could tell. It was horribly dark in there. It is so

Today was the first day I woke up feeling rested and it was a good thing! We went to Maruri slum. Brenda needed to meet with the sewing ladies there and weekly visits with an elderly lady named, "Grandma". First however, I got to meet Pastor Frances who is a dentist but left dentistry years ago to pastor a church. Now he his being asked to rebuild what once was a medical clinic. Altho his congregation and colleagues are turning their cheeks and not helping him he is not complaining and moving forward with his own money. He is very excited and provided me a tour of the building. It will mainly be for maternity, sick visits and denistry. You will have to see my pictures. Let me just say you don't want to have a baby there or teeth work done. But for these people it will one day be a safe haven, a place to be cared for and a place for treatment. They do have a "doctor" some hours of the day now. They were very thankful for all the medicines I took them. At

I don't really know how to put the past two days into words, but I am going to try. First of all, let me just say Lauryn is getting better. No hospital for her. Praises to God. Thank you to my family and friends. I love you and am grateful in new and deeper ways! Yesterday, Jessica and I got to visit the ladies of Jacaranda sewing ministry in the Kibera slum. This slum is possibly the largest in the world. The guess is somewhere around 3 million people in relatively small area. Brenda has meet the sweetest ladies and connected them with a building just outside the slum where they go sew. They were very excited to see Brenda and to meet us. These woman were smiling and laughing, happily sewing and planning what next to learn to make and dreaming of open markets to sell their goods locally. These woman are all HIV positive. Some feeling fine, some not. But they were excited to take us into the slums and into their homes. Walking through that slum is truly unbelievable. Brenda

I am laughing at myself and the title I gave this blog. Who knew my ability to place my trust in the Lord would be so tested. This is day 2 in Nairobi. My thoughts have been consumed with my daughter, Lauryn back home. What we thought was "just" the flu has turned out to be a pretty bad pneumonia, almost complete left lower lobe. I have prayed most of the night and pray now that she wakes up this morning feeling much better, no fever, less pain. And when she gets to the doctor today her blood work is improved and they feel she does not have to be admitted to the hospital. A tough test for me to not be there caring for her and feeling some control. But thats just it.... my hope can only truly be in the Lord. A tough test for Lauryn to be more sick than she has ever been and her Mom in Africa. Crazy! But I admit she has a pretty good dad! So, life here in Nairobi....well, as I write this I am overhearing my friend Brenda talk with and try to encourage their frien

Jessica and I are here, Nairobi, Kenya! Although here inside the Kean home I feel like I am just up the street on Mill Brook Circle in Stonemeade. That's the thing with good friends, no matter how long it has been since you have seen each other it always feels like just yesterday. The plane rides went well, no delays, no problems getting through customs. Jessica and I passed the H1N1 screening. ;). She is feeling good. Her cough is aggravated today... the air in the plane is dry and drier here too. But no big deal. Making her drink a lot today. Last night I thought it was just fatigue not allowing me to find things and think clearly, but today we have learned our luggage was stolen from. Nothing we can't live without, but a clear reminder of the fallen world in which we live. And we are sad that some things we were excited to give the girls here are gone. I haven't seen much outside the comfort of this home yet, but I will say driving at night in Nairobi is

Less than 24 hours Jessica and I are on a plane heading to the much dreamed about Nairobi. Thankyou, Thankyou, Thank you for all your support, prayers and encouragement. This trip would not be possible without YOU!! This week has been incredibly challenging with health issues and concerns but we are experiencing healing and truly believing that we are "supposed" to go. Amongst the many prayers and encouragements I have heard this week, one comment a friend made in regards to Jessica's 102 plus temperatures is, "what an inconvenience". I read that and thought truly that is all this is, "an inconvenience" at most and at least an attempt to tharwt our trip. But greater is He that is in us, than he that is in the world. Now, Lauryn is sick and to be honest I am fighting fatigue and a sore throat but it is all just an inconvenience. Still God is greater. Lauryn and I had some great prayer this afternoon and she is sitting up actually tolerating some

It has been an emotional ride these past 5 weeks. I have visited with family members of a special young women that passed away last November from Melanoma, spent healing time with one of my brothers, my oldest daughter turned 18, old friends from Maryland visited for a couple for days after 10 years of not seeing one another. Each of these events have been emotional from crying to laughing, from hurt to gratitude, from loss of the past to excitement for what lays ahead. Mostly for me much humility. Really there is so much story in each of these events I feel rich in the reality of Christ. He is the common theme in all these relationships. Reflecting in these moments I realize that His timing is perfect. I am strengthened by each of these relationships and ready as I can be for Nairobi. I will never forget joining hands in my living room with my family and Valerie's family as Rita (Val's Mom) prayed for us. Valerie was 25 when she died last November. Yet, in their gr

Ok, How do you correct spelling esp in a title after you have saved the blog? I blame it my elementary education...those formative years I was in Australia. Seriously, is there anyway to fix this??? Anyone out there? RH

The last few days I am fighting this on again off again anxiety. I blame it on the fact I have been busy forming lists and scratching things off my list. Which I love to do...its just the lists have been very long. Last night when I was looking for my reading glasses( to work on my list) it was like the Lord entered my thoughts and said, " you need to correct your vision." I have been so focused my checklists of things to do and not taking time to be in the word. So I got my Bible,( and glasses..of course) sat and read. Very comforting to me. But this morning I had this anxiety that was growing quickly and I felt shaky. I honestly had this feeling of oppression. I started to pray and the scripture about God not giving us a spirit of fear...came to mind. The anxiety left. I decided to put my Bible in my purse and take it to work with me. Well, later at work, I was sitting beside this man's hospital bed, holding his hand allowing him to cry for awhileI(he is 50 needs hos

People/friends think I am so nice. At least they let me think that. Today I called KLM/NWA to ask about the weight limit for our luggage and the cost of bringing an extra bag....seems we need to do that.... Well after the 6th "yes" and 6th time of stating and then I admit yelling the confirmation number into the phone receiving a calm, nice but not real voice saying each time, "sorry, my mistake let try again" I was unrecognizable even to myself. I realized I was screaming at a recording but couldn't help myself. Once I was finally put through to an agent (oh this was my second call because the first time we got disconnected) I noticed my seat assignments were gone, then I got this strange silence on the other end. I asked what was up and they said calmly, "there is a problem with you flight from Atlanta to Nairobi" How could that be I said. I booked these flights in April. No response just a connection to 'international". There I repe

13 days and Jessica and I board a plane for Africa. Nairobi to be exact. At this point the struggles and miracles have left no doubt that this is a privelege in our lives. Today Pete Wilson at Crosspoint.tv finished up a series on Questions. Wow, there are so many and honestly not a lot of answers. Which is why I especially love attending Crosspoint. Strange you might say, but honestly I find freedom in that. I find that the things I struggle with and don't have answers to lead me to what is most important to focus on. It boils down to learning how to HOPE and that hope itself is not a scientific fact but a leap of faith. I find no better person to place my faith in than that of Jesus. Although placing my faith in him doesn't mean that my life has become simple, easy or even safe. What placing my faith in him has allowed is for me to experience a deep level of comfort and peace amongst pain, especially amongst my requests for physical healings that didn't occu

Ok, here I go... off to the blogging world.... Why does this feel scary to me? I am only in my mid 40's and afterall isn't 40's the new 30's? I truly am excited to start this adventure if only as therapy for myself. Somedays there is so much tension between my heart and my brain I find it hard to think straight. Can you relate? Anyway, here I am if anyone would like to share in my journey and thoughts please do. I love company. Yesterday and today I worked with a patient who reminded me so much of my friend Melissa that died last July from lung cancer. Today was especially difficult. This patient's physical pain has been great and she keeps rubbing and pointing to the same location that I remember Melissa complained about. I do not provide bedside nursing, but I round with the doctors on patients who are admitted to the oncology service and help manage their care through their hospital stay and on into home needs. While I was in the room I actually had my fi