10 Days Home

Today is my 10th day home. I have never counted the days I am home after a trip before. Why am I doing that? Maybe it's because I keep thinking tomorrow will be enough days home that I will feel "normal" again. So far, in the realm of "normal" tomorrow hasn't come.

Having friends in Kenya for several years now I felt as though my heart was there with them. But after spending 14 days there a bigger piece of my heart was definitely left behind.

The word reconcile keeps coming up in my head and in my conversation. How do I reconcile what I have just experienced with my everyday life here? "Here" in what now seems somewhat foreign yet at the sametime is my home. "Here" where if I am honest I just want to pick up what I normally do day to day and not really think about those precious faces of woman sewing with Jacaranda Ministry or of Janetta, "my" hospice lady or "my" sweet slum family, (Virgina, Shiko, Mary, Penny, Beatrice, Esther, and Baby Kevin) I have decided today I don't know what reconcile even means in this context. I am just trying to fix the ache in my heart.

I do know; however, that I will truly never be the same. My heart is broken and grieves. But today I finally say that is Ok. It is ok. The loss of what should have been in this world, the loss of God's perfect plan has been foiled and it is worth being broken hearted over. I am sure that my grief is known even greater by our Creator. I am thankful that I don't have to carry this alone. I am thankful that He is God and I am not.

Part of me would like some quick cement to fill the brokeness I feel but I know that I must be healed by delicate stitches that take time and concentration. That way whatever God has for me that can help reach as far as the slums of Kenya can be brought forth.

A huge thankyou to so many of you that have emailed me or called or left messages of prayers, thanks and encouragement! I appreciate you all! I appreciate your willingness to journey with me. I appreciate your prayers. Certainly without them I would have flown back on day 2 - too worried about Lauryn. I ask for your continued prayers as I go through this season of "stitching with time and concentration."

I want you to know more than ever that God loves you! He created you and has a plan for you life, revealed if only you choose to seek him. He called the Brew Maker in the slum right before my eyes. He delivered her from her addiction and fear. In that very small, very dark place God was there! He is here too!

Comments

Rhonda, I am thinking about you. This is so difficult, isn't it? I experienced the same thing last year and I'm sure I will again when I go to Kenya.
Robin Pippin

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